Adorable Monster Sex Toys Saved My Life
November 19th, 2018, was definitely the worst day of my life. I was laid off, my best friend died, and the doctors told me my hands likely wouldn’t be fully functional again for years, if ever. Disabled, unemployed, and grieving the loss of one of my closest and most emotionally supportive friends, I fell into a pit of depression.
Little did I know, adorable alien sex toys that would soon become Cute Little Fuckers were voyaging on the edge of my consciousness, poised to abduct my depression and take me on a remarkable journey.
But before the sex toy abduction, there was just me—in the rawest sense. My hands barely worked. I couldn’t cook for myself. I could barely use a phone, even in short bursts. All my daily activities physically pained me, and doctors could not identify the mystery illness.
I am non-binary, but I was raised male, so woven into my upbringing is the belief that my worth is tied to what I do. What was I worth now that I could do nothing? Was I nothing?
No, I told myself. I’m here, I believe in myself, and that’s worth something to me.
Looking upon the blank canvas of a future that lay before me, a deep part of my psyche spoke to what it should contain: MAKE REALLY CUTE MONSTER SEX TOYS!!!
WTF! Right? But hear me out.
In the past, I'd often lamented over the fact that no sex toys felt right on my gender-fluid body. Also, the sex toy industry wasn't the most accessible. This was even more obvious to me now that I had limited functioning in my hands. On top of that, they were all too serious anyway. Did I want a dick or a vibrating MOMA sculpture? Why were those my only choices!? Cute alien sex toys would be way more fun.
I spent a lot of time thinking about how these toys might come to life. I did a little work when my hands were up to it, drawing things, messaging people, researching, talking one on one with so many of my amazing sex positive Bay Area folx. I also learned more about the limitations of my body, and more importantly, how not to cross them.
The more I settled into my limitations, the less they seemed to matter. Things just started to happen and with much patience, before I knew it, I had my first Cute Little Fucker in my (still dysfunctional) hands. It felt as if I had a future again.
And then my health got worse.
No one could tell me if I was dying.
I woke up one morning and couldn’t feel my feet. My partner rushed me to the ER. Hours passed as the numbness spread from my legs to my face. I saw dozens of doctors, and none of them had any answers. All they could tell me was that it probably wouldn’t kill me today. I was terrified. For months, I didn’t know whether or not I was dying.
Living every day like it’s your last doesn’t mean going out all the time; it means being grateful for life and everyday things. At first, I lay in bed, my soul aching. Eventually, I discovered gratitude. I sat with that gratitude until I felt a warmth fill my stomach. I did this until I felt full.
During this time, I continued to make, test, and eventually HOLD my cute little monster vibrators. Even giving toys to members of my community to try! (That was fun ;])
These first few toys became the starting lineup for Cute Little Fuckers, my gender-inclusive sex toy company that still lives today and has even come out with even MORE adorable monsters since then. And people are loving them! Like, a lot! It’s amazing!
Those early days—when Cute Little Fuckers was still just a very young idea—were so hard, but were really and truly filled with so much joy and a deep appreciation for my community here in the Bay. So much in life was uncertain but, out of that, I created something that continued to bring me so much joy. When I look at how much we've grown in such a short period of time…I'm blown away. By joy, yes. But again, by overwhelming gratitude.
It's four years ago that this story began. My health issues have continued, and in many ways expanded since then unfortunately. (It turns out that Lyme disease is some serious shit.) I don't think I can truly properly communicate how meaningful Cute Little Fuckers is to me. With my disabilities and ongoing health issues, I don't know what I would be doing with my life without CLF. But instead of worrying about my financial stability as a disabled person every day, I get to wake up and work on something that is fun, that is meaningful, and that I love; Putting monsters up people's butts! (And wherever else they want them :P )
And I have such deep gratitude for the kink and sex positive communities in my life, especially those in the Bay Area. I wouldn't be able to tell this incredible story without you. Thank you <3
If you’d like to check out Cute Little Fuckers, you totally should and can here! You can even use the discount code BAYCOMMUNITY for $15 off any monsters you want to tickle your fancy! You are all THE BEST!
